26 Great Hits

$ whois phaysis.com
   Domain Name: PHAYSIS.COM
   Creation Date: 2000-04-14T14:49:59Z

26 years I’ve owned this domain. It really lives up to its tagline: “Phaysis.com. A Frozen State of Change” (alternately: “Like Watching Grass Grow”). This has been my home for most of my adult life. So much potential, so little change. Like my real life.

“So what’re you dressed as?”
“A Gifted & Talented kid.”
“OK, uh. What’re you supposed to be?“
“I was supposed to be anything!“

This site’s ossified on using WordPress because I can’t be bothered to waste more of my life trying to build my own CMS (I burned my 30’s on that fool’s errand. Never again). And now that I’m in my fifty-mumbleth year, I’m too distracted and exhausted to bother trying. My life is more like this site: a frozen state of change. That’s an oxymoron, yeah man, right on, you’re smart, grab your tokens, go play skeeball, get your tickets for a keychain. Just roll with it.

Here’s to 26 more. If I’m fukken lucky.

“Stasis Impending Phases…Phases Impending Stasis”

Flailure

It’s been a minute since I bitched about my German 4 class. Y’all, I am failing so goddamn badly. Right now, I have a mid C, which I pulled out of F by turning in a single writing. But tomorrow, I have a chapter test and a chapter project due (a video review and writing). And 6 hours of chapter homework unfinished. I’m not gonna make it.

For my own sanity, I really should quit. Just stop. But I also have some sunk cost in this: 3 finished semesters with a B, and 2/3 of the way through this one. I don’t want to quit, but I also don’t want to absolutely hate myself and my performance or answer for my own failings. I’d rather just let it die naturally instead of killing it. Since this is just Continuing Education instead of school credit, it’s pass/no-pass. So I feel like a no-pass is better than a Did Not Finish.

Runners will tell you they’d rather come in last across the line as long as they cross it.

I feel the emotional, mental, and physical burn of knowing that my skills are regressing, but that I have to keep going. Have to. One chapter left. Please, no DNF.

Plus One

Age is just a number, they say. Mine just autoincremented. Now it’s bigger. And that makes me sad for some reason.

Project Left the Fuck Alone is currently under way. “No expectations” is the best gift I can get. No making a big deal. No ruined surprises. No special treatment. And that’s how I like it.

And the conveyor belt keeps rolling.

Slow

Yesterday around 5pm I had a big bowl of ramen at the restaurant. Tonight at 1:30am I’m still belching ramen, which really tells me everything I should be learning about how slowly my body digests food.

The hard part of weight management is discerning when I should and should not be eating. Not by looking at a clock and eating because it’s on the schedule. But by literally having a gut feel for when I’m truly hungry.

The best diet is just called, “Less, As Needed”.

SXSW Day Zero

So SXSW starts today. I am at once nervous and excited and tired already. I don’t know what to expect this year, but that’s the point, right? I paid $200 walk-up for my Music wristband, so at least I can bounce out of venues if the band doesn’t grab me. But my trepidation is that there I’ll be, this old-shaped thing, interloping in young spaces looking for young vibes to keep my soul alive.

Vampires we become.

Logistics are my initial concern (parking, food, getting around), but so is safety and awareness. Being old-shaped is a handicap, even in this town. I guess that’s why people get more gun-nutty as they get older. I’ll just keep my head on a swivel and my wallet in the front, and I think I’ll be ahead of the game.

Seriously, though, I hope to have fun this year, to find serendipity. My aim is to distract myself for a week and come away with new artists in my wishlist to enjoy for the next year. That’s what keeps me young.